What does it mean my purpose is to be who I am?
Even if you don't believe it, until recently my feeling of SELF was not mine, I should have learn to see myself through my own eyes and not the eyes of others.
From a very young age I was a girl who questioned everything… because I always carefully observed everything that happened around me… but apart from being something “positive” I found that it caused me problems…a lot.
I realized that people don’t like to question how the world is, the system, their emotions, their problems… and you can imagine… as a child I learned at a very early age to keep silent and hide my truth.
Certification as a Professional Makeup Artist, Mentor and Human Development Coach, with studies in Pedagogy, Psychology, SEO, Digital Marketing and Web Development. But beyond all… Woman, Artist and Mom.
Behind Carolina Escalante
It is true that the first time I took a brush with my hands I was only 5 years old, since then and until today I have painted, however…
My story is not the typical fantasy story where one day I woke up and said: I’m fed up! I’m going to quit my conventional job and I’m going to be an artist!
Not at all, I had to be left with nothing to accept my truth: that I am an Artist, that it is something that is already in my blood, something that you are born with and it is something that I could not continue denying in myself. But that was not my problem… The real problem is that even knowing that this was in me, I insisted on being everything else… except what I am and what I love, to please, to feel accepted, to feel loved.
For 15 years I went back and forth between various professions, during those stages from time to time I returned to art… and I realized that when I returned to it, it was in moments of deep crisis, it was as if it were the only medium that It helped to heal and express what I felt with words that I was not allowed.
Why? Because when I began to paint as a child I realized that art was where I could truly express my thoughts and feelings, many times they were not pretty or happy things… on the contrary, I remember a time in my life when I made a painting about an abortion I had and I remember that it seemed too transgressive, too painful… and as I told you at the beginning… I learned that saying what I really felt caused problems around me, whether it was with my family, friends, work or partners…simply imagining they could even see that painting was something that terrified me!
On the other hand, this ability to deeply observe people’s expressions, their behaviors, even being able to read their deepest desires was something rather than an advantage, it caused me to become an expert diplomat and know how to look good.
The guilt of awakening and evolving at a different rate than other important people in my life (And you have no idea how big a problem that has been… because I can be very indecisive in anything… but once I have clarity on something I move too fast… and that has meant leaving many people behind, even if it hurts) not only did it make me turn off my light a little and lower the volume of my desires, but the fear was so strong that others made comments to me that reinforced my guilt like “how much you have changed”, “you look like someone completely different from one day to the next” and yes… if you relate to me you will find that, and you will see that reflected in my art as well.
But as always happens, my heart took me out of where I shouldn’t be and after a breakdown, I realized that the codependent relationship with guilt was what had led me to that eternal internal and disastrous struggle.
It wasn’t by magic, but when I started to stop believing the voice of guilt I felt good and wanted to create, to initiate, to make plans, to be more present and to inject energy and a lot of passion into areas of my life that were half gray.
I learned to tell my truth… Being able to change my mind or path, relationships or life every time I want or if it’s necessary is synonymous with freedom for me, even if it means raising waves with other people.
Human beings are not static beings and my main source of suffering was wanting to identify with a false self: Static, safe, consistent, reliable… I am a person that if one day she decides to end, for example, with a business, a relationship, a project… whatever it is, no matter how successful, but it no longer satisfies me… I do it immediately.
And the truth is that I am none of that, those who know and really love me truly understand that throughout my life they have experienced a thousand different versions of me… Is it easy for them? Of course not! but with it we have learned (Both me and the people in my life) that this means that we have been able to let ourselves be free and love each other unconditionally.
But don’t get me wrong, it’s not that now I make everyone do what I want, or that they HAVE to accept everything from me, no… what I’m telling you is that when they let me be who I am, that’s when I give to them the greatest gift that it seems to me you can give to another human being: Love the other unconditionally. And believe me, I’m someone who really knows how to love.
For me, Art is the vehicle that has given me the opportunity to experiment a higher level of love and to immortalize my experiences in life… it freed me.
And I tell you all this because my Art follows the same pattern, I refuse to pigeonhole myself into a style or a discourse, to create a personal identification that sooner or later I know will vanish, in my art you can find very simple artworks that practically I made as an ornament even artworks of art that reflect the most significant experiences of my life, artworks where I literally get naked and show you the deepest part of me, I talk about my sexuality, I talk about love towards my loved ones… about my deepest fears! And that is why I know that if you like what you see in my works of art, it is because I am perfectly aware that they reflect in many aspects the collective unconscious, what many people feel, what dwells in the depths of being.
Experience. Graphite Pencil. 2021
Experience was initially created as a simple practice of the Academic Drawing Technique taught in 19th Century Ateliers. The work is based on the Sculpture: The Spirit Dance by Taiwanese Master Sculptor and artist Gaylord Ho, at the time I was fascinated with learning this drawing technique, because I feel a great love for Realistic Style Art.
However, during the process of its creation it became a Personal Confession: A confession about an Orgasm…